“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart
and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare
It could be argued that one of the hardest things a person can do is to sit with their own hard feeling. In our fast paced culture of over stimulation and instant gratification it is so easy to run from the thoughts and feelings that make us uncomfortable. Feeling the whisper of sorrow creeping up behind up? Just pick up your phone and distract yourself with the newest Tik Tok. Before you know it an hour or two has passed and you have probably forgotten about the sorrow completely...for that moment anyway.
I'm sure you can relate to the above scenario because we have all been there. Now look back at those times. Did ignoring that sorrow or sadness or grief make it go away? Or did it creep back up again later like an impatient child demanding your attention? Did you find yourself just going about you day when a certain smell or song or the way the wind blew suddenly brought all that ignored sorrow rushing back at you?
I had my own experience with this very issue today. As I have mentioned in previous posts I would say my most pressing and difficult grief right now is the death of RS. Even working through my grief and creating a grief curriculum I still have moments where I run from my sorrow. And let me be clear there are times you need to ignore the sorrow! We can't be overcome by grief all the time. Today as I was driving in the car on my way to pick up my son from school a song came on my radio that suddenly ripped the scab off of the wound RS left and before I knew it I was pulled under. I am not a person who cries often even when I probably should, but in this moment I was sobbing.
As I sat there crying I first thought " No way I'm doing this sh*t right now!" and reached to change the song. Before I could reach the radio I stopped myself and realized there was something these tears were trying to tell me and I decided to dive into the feeling. I set the song to repeat and I let my sorrow speak. My sorrow told me how heart broken I am. How crushed my soul is that this person I loved to my core is gone. How angry I was at all the words left unsaid and the questions left unasked and unanswered. I felt my heart being ripped from my body then as it is being ripped from my chest now. As I reflect on that moment the tears are coming again, but less urgent this time. Since I gave the sorrow a voice and allowed it to scream at me for avoiding it, it is kinder and gentler this time around.
We can bury the feelings that make us uncomfortable, but it doesn't take those feelings away. Think of it like a wound. We can treat the wound and clean it out so that it can heal. It will hurt like hell and probably leave a scar behind, but it will heal as best it can. Or we can choose to ignore the wound and let it fester getting more and more infected with each passing day. When that infection gets to be too much it is not a pretty sight. The feelings you are trying to ignore and escape will act just like that festering wound. The only option to truly process the feelings is to sit with the pain and talk to it. Learn from it. Grow from it. Thank it for the lesson it has taught you and how it will help you in the future.
Commenti